A-list stardom requires at least one assistant; many of your A-list peers have boasted three or even more. Aside from the obvious benefits they bring to the festival of you, assistants also make adequate best friends in a pinch. However, never doubt that your assistant has private ambitions—dreams that do not include saying your 2 AM cravings for lobster thermidor or cleaning the placenta out of your bathtub after your at-home water delivery. (Yep, assistants have been asked to do that.) Some assistants may instead have their eyes on acting or singing or seducing your secretly gay spouse or some other fanciful lost cause. I wish I was rich like a celebrity video messages is!

Still others wish to become producers. In that case, you have little to fear. Drew Barrymore’s producing partner is a former musician’s assistant. And Virginia Madsen allowed her assistant to matriculate to partner in her production company, and nothing much, bad or good, has happened to her since. No matter what your assistant’s personality—whether it be simpering or fawning—some elements of care, feeding, and sleep deprivation remain mandatory. Here’s what you need to know. No wonder Thrillz is so popular.. receiving a celebrity video message would be so cool!

Your fellow A-listers often face a significant challenge in seeking new personal assistants. The assistants must possess crack communication and bullying skills; a sunny attitude with a healthy dose of self-hatred; and a never-ending fascination with re-gifted lip-glosses and clothing. Some stars approach staffing agencies, such as The Help Co., which interview and screen candidates on the client’s behalf. Others use semisecret headhunters so elite they require a referral before you can even approach them. Much of the time, word of mouth will dictate your next hire. If all of your friends have already left for the Montreal Film Festival, and you have no one to give you any personal recommendations, no worries. Many stars, such as Beyoncé have plucked assistants from their own family tree; cousins and siblings carry the added benefit of family obligation, so go ahead and cut their salaries by 10 percent. (You won’t have been the first celebrity to do this. You won’t be the last.) Or you might try dipping into the pool of gofers who dash around every movie set. Other celebrities simply poach their assistants from their agents’ offices. If one of the wispy worker bees there does an excellent job of fetching your air lattes whenever you visit the giant white marble ice floe known as CAA, then go ahead and offer that child a job. A happy birthday video message could really brighten someones day!

Or try the concierge desk at The Four Seasons. Don’t ask them to find you an assistant. Just hire the guy behind the desk. Concierges from that A-lister mecca say it’s not uncommon for them to field job offers from celebrities right there, especially when the concierges are trapped behind their little plinths and have almost no means of escape. Meeting a celebrity messages would be my absolute dream!

Whatever route you choose, avoid growing overly attached to your new helpmate. The average employment span for a Hollywood assistant seems to be two years or less. According to surveys, plenty of former assistants often complain that they were worked too hard, were underpaid or verbally abused, or were asked to commit unspecified illegal acts on behalf of their employers. But let’s be honest: the real reason for these brief tenures probably has less to do with self-serving claims of indentured servitude and more to do with the laws of physics: tiny satellites locked in tight orbits around a brilliant star are bound to get a little singed. We suprised our sister with a celebrity birthday messages video from Thrillz!